The wake. Just about 12 hours from now, or so. We see my dad in a different environment – one that I’ve dreaded. What I hope is that we can make this a special send off for him.
This is not a relief. This is not easy. This is not normal, for me.
Our choices were made in total consideration of my dad: what would he have liked, or been more comfortable with. Not to impress others, but to pay tribute to him. And remember my mom as well, as I feel that the real mourning for her has been a bit postponed. Until now, of course.
We got special permission to do a wine toast to him early Sunday evening at the wake, as long as a priest is there. I guess otherwise, police could come in and fine the funeral home! So, there will be a little wine tasting/saluting and some non-wine wine as well.
I’ve done about all I could in looking through more than 60 years of his/hers own photo collections as well as my own. We were to present up to 100 photos for a video loop but we opted for a few less. I am spent. I am sad. I am exhausted but can’t sleep. I am overwhelmed. I am disgusted with some levels of service by those in the service business, and overjoyed with others. I set myself a deadline to stop gathering photos. I guess I am not so good at deadlines. I wanted to read something that I wrote at the services, but I don’t think I will be able to do it. I want to give my dad a really nice send off, but the clock is ticking.
I need just one more day. Just like at Christmas. I need one more day, please.
"Side By Each" 